


Touch

by Everybody_Loves_Chocolate



Series: Set Your Heart on Me [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Almost no plot, Alternate Universe, Angst, Crushes, Established Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Kinda, Late Night Writing, M/M, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Mistakes, Multi, Not Beta Read, Swearing, Touching, Trust, but it doesnt last, but minor, i think, ren jun i'm so sorry baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26884450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everybody_Loves_Chocolate/pseuds/Everybody_Loves_Chocolate
Summary: Renjun liked Jeno and Jaemin and whenever they touched him he felt like his heart was going to explode. When he finds out that the two are dating, it feels like it actually does.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Set Your Heart on Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962880
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah. This is just a little bit angsty and I would appreciate it if you could tell me whether it made you feel anything or not because I really need to learn to write more than just fluff. 
> 
> Tag that was too long: its not specified whether its high school or college but i think i said teenagers once so they would be college freshmen
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Renjun was fucked. He was _so_ fucked.

Jeno had his arm on the back of his chair, leaning half over Renjun to talk with Jaemin while Jaemin’s knee was pressing against Renjun’s under the table. It really wasn’t that much of an uncommon occurrence but Renjun’s heart still beat faster and he had to hold back really hard to not faint on the spot. Jeno’s fingers gently played with Renjun’s hair as he leaned even more towards Jaemin.

“I see you guys are enjoying yourself,” someone said behind them and Renjun turned, spotting Donghyuck smirking at him. That motherfucker knew Renjun was suffering and he still had the audacity to look like that.

“Oh yeah,” Jaemin replied excitedly as Donghyuck took his seat next to him. “We were talking about movie night on Friday. Junnie didn’t really say anything though.”

Donghyuck hummed, disgusting smirk still on his face as Jaemin frowned and casually put his hand on Renjun’s thigh. God, why did he have to be naturally touchy, couldn’t he see Renjun’s heart beat out of his chest?

“You okay, Jun?” Jaemin asked, worried, and Jeno turned to look at Renjun as well, eyes wide and concerned. Renjun just wished he didn’t have a big fat crush on two of his friends as he breathed, “Yep, totally fine.”

Renjun was pretty sure he heard Donghyuck giggle but he didn’t dare to move, Jeno and Jaemin’s touches burning on his skin.

Small and subtle touches between them wasn’t anything Renjun didn’t know how to handle but still he couldn’t help but overthink it every time their knees bumped together and neither Jaemin nor Jeno moved. Did they just not mind because they were naturally touchy people and platonically touching Renjun wasn’t anything new? Or did they want to be near Renjun and touch him at every chance they got? Or was it something entirely different?

Either way, Renjun would never ever tell them what he thought of their skinship, not that they would ask. It wasn’t like Jaemin’s knee would only ever touch Renjun’s. Donghyuck was a victim too, he was just considerably less bothered, considering that he had a boyfriend and was strictly monogamous.

Jaemin’s hand on Renjun’s thigh began to move, softly caressing up and down and Renjun was sure he would die then and there, especially when Jeno’s hand came down on his other thigh. Wide-eyed Renjun looked at him and received a soft eyesmile in return.

“You know you can talk to us if you have any problems, right?” Jeno asked and Renjun nodded dumbly. Those weren’t just subtle and accidental touches any more but they were meant to comfort Renjun so it didn’t actually mean anything.

Renjun leant backwards a little to catch Donghyuck’s eyes and send him a silent plead for help. Surprisingly, the younger boy took pity on him and slapped Jaemin hard on the back, loudly exclaiming, “Whoever loses rock paper scissors has to buy ice cream.”

Jaemin frowned but removed his hand from Renjun, as did Jeno, finally allowing Renjun to breathe again, though they were still close. If having to buy ice cream was the price he had to pay to be free from dying of a heart attack then he would gladly accept it.

“I swear to fuck Jaemin, you can’t fucking get _milk ice cream_. You’re lactose intolerant and you don’t have your pills with you. It’s already bad enough to eat normal ice cream.”

Jaemin only shrugged, completely dismissing Donghyuck’s complaint as he told the service lady that he’d like two big scoops of milk ice cream. Renjun laid a hand on his shoulder, Jaemin turning to look at him. It was easier to initiate touch because Renjun knew what it meant and didn’t have to wonder.

“C’mon, Jaem, Hyuck is right.” Jaemin pouted and Renjun was close to giving up because he was _weak_ but he couldn’t let up now. “If you get water ice I’ll share my ice cream with you, okay?”

Jutting his bottom lips forward and re-enacting that emoji with the big watery eyes perfectly, Jaemin whined, “But I want to taste milk ice cream. And you want blueberry.”

Before Renjun could give up and leave Jaemin to his certain death, Jeno stepped in, ruffling Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as Jeno said, “I’ll get the milk ice cream, just go with the water ice, babe.”

Three things happened at once then, the most notable one being Renjun hearing his heart shatter somewhere in the distance. Jaemin nodded and gave up his double scoop milk ice cream at the same time Donghyuck’s arms fell to his sides from where he had had them crossed as Renjun’s eyes met his.

Donghyuck was faster to react than Renjun, who was frozen with his hand still on Jaemin’s shoulder as his life flashed before his eyes. Jeno never used petnames, _never_. Not even on his cats. So for him to call Jaemin ‘Babe’ was extremely significant and to do it so casually at that.

“Excuse us, boys, I need to borrow Junnie for a bit,” Donghyuck rasped as he gripped Renjun by the shoulders and turned him around, pushing him towards the exit. Renjun was pretty sure he heard Jaemin call after them but he didn’t have the mental capacity just then to actually process it.

“Fuck, Junnie, are you okay?” Donghyuck asked a soon as they were out of the café and sat down on a bench a little further down the road.

Renjun didn’t know if he was okay. Sure, he had never actually expected anything to happen between Jeno, Jaemin and him but for them to be dating was just another level of devastation. It just meant that those touches really meant nothing, why would they?

And even then, they hadn’t told them, hadn’t even insinuated it. Why did they keep it a secret? They knew Mark and Donghyuck were a thing, why wouldn’t it be okay for them to be?

Did they know of Renjun’s crush on them and they didn’t want to hurt his feelings? If so, was that just now a slip up? Did they ever intend to tell any of them or were they planning on dating in secret for forever?

Thousands of questions filled Renjun’s head as he stared ahead, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“-nie. Jun. Hey, Huang Renjun!”

Renjun was pulled into the world of the living again by Donghyuck frantically waving his hand in front of the older boy’s face and calling his name. Blinking, Renjun took in everything around them, Donghyuck looking at him worriedly, the café they had been in with Jeno and Jaemin standing in front of it looking over to them with ice cream and water ice in hand. Renjun appreciated them not coming over because he really didn’t need them to see him like this.

“Do you want to go home? I’ll take you,” Donghyuck offered with a gentle voice. He was the only one who knew of Renjun’s crush on Jeno and Jaemin and as much as he was a brat he cared for his friends. Renjun really liked that about Donghyuck, his understanding and unending loyalty, even though Jaemin had been Donghyuck’s friend first.

Renjun took a few deep breaths, trying to hold himself together. This wasn’t the end of the world, Jeno and Jaemin were only dating, nothing Renjun hadn’t thought of before. That’s right, nothing to cry about.

Another shaky breath and Renjun could feel his eyes water as the pieces of his heart weighed heavy in his chest. He’d get over them, he had to. Why had he been so stupid to fall for them in the first place?

“Okay, that’s it, I’m taking you home.” Donghyuck pulled Renjun up and fished out his phone with one hand as he held Renjun’s hand with the other.

“Sorry but Renjun doesn’t feel so good so I’m going to take him home,” Donghyuck spoke into his phone, pace quickening. “No, don’t follow us. Renjun doesn’t want so many people around him now. Yeah, yeah, he’s going to be fine, just dandy.” Donghyuck huffed and pressed his lips together as he listened to the person on the other side. Probably Jaemin or Jeno. Renjun felt kind of bad leaving them behind but he didn’t trust himself to not break down if they asked him what was wrong. “I’ll take care of him don’t worry. Keep the fucking ice cream, Jaemin, _I don’t need it_.”

Donghyuck ended the call with a huff, furrowed eyebrows and a clenched jaw. Renjun reached out to ease it back gently and the anger on Donghyuck’s face immediately vanished as he looked at Renjun again.

“You shouldn’t take after Mark with the jaw thing,” Renjun mumbled and Donghyuck managed a small smile and squeezed his hand.

They were silent for the remaining walk but Donghyuck didn’t let go of Renjun’s hand and Renjun didn’t want him to. He felt like Donghyuck’s hand was the anchor to all of his emotions right now and if that anchor were to go, he would break into tears right in the middle of the side walk. He didn’t need the whole neighbourhood looking at him.

“Hey, Injun, it’s okay now,” Donghyuck whispered when Renjun was bundled up on his bed, clad in the biggest sweater he owned. Donghyuck was hugging him from behind, gently caressing the elder’s hair.

“What’s okay?” Renjun whispered back. He couldn’t imagine Donghyuck meaning Renjun’s crush, especially considering for how long he’d been pining after the two. Donghyuck paused for a bit but answered, “It’s okay to cry now.”

Renjun pressed his lips together and leaned back into Donghyuck with his eyes closed. As much as they had felt like they had been flooded before, they felt dry now like the time to cry was over and Renjun wasn’t allowed to anymore.

“I don’t want to,” he admitted and Donghyuck’s other hand came up to softly caress Renjun’s face. “What good will it do if I cry over the fact that my crushes are dating each other and their touches and looks and whatever the fuck they did meant nothing? Why would I cry over something so _stupid_?”

“Because you love them, Junnie.”

Renjun slowly opened his eyes. Donghyuck was right, it wasn’t only a crush anymore. He loved those two and they didn’t see him as more than a friend, probably never would. Renjun wondered what Jeno and Jaemin thought of him now, if they knew what he felt for them.

“How am I going to face them tomorrow?” Renjun asked as his eyes filled with tears again, no longer dried out. He couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and flowing. Renjun’s nose was snotty and he was hiccupping as he turned in Donghyuck’s arms and buried his face in the younger boy’s neck. Donghyuck only embraced him and rested his head against Renjun’s.

It was bad. Renjun was shaking and shaking, sobs wrecking his body as he wailed into Donghyuck’s neck. His chest hurt and his eyes did too and the tears kept coming, like they’d been saving up for this moment to flow like a river. It was warm in Donghyuck’s arms but Renjun didn’t feel good in the slightest as his voice became raspy and his hands clung onto Donghyuck’s shirt.

Renjun wished he hadn’t fallen for Jeno and Jaemin. He wished he didn’t have to go through this over something as little as a single word.

It was exhausting. Crying was exhausting and so was realizing that Renjun couldn’t just stop loving Jeno and Jaemin. He could just say _Goodbye feelings, see you never_ because it didn’t work like that.

Renjun’s throat was hurting now but his chest felt empty. Donghyuck’s shirt was completely ruined, snot and tears drying on it, stretched from Renjun holding onto it but Donghyuck didn’t complain. He merely tucked Renjun in and carded his hands thought the older boys hair until Renjun’s eyes were too heavy to open.

Renjun was sure he looked like shit and that it wouldn’t get any better after a nap but he couldn’t get up so he complied with Donghyuck’s wish and tried to relax, tried to get himself to forget anything ever happened. No one ever had to know about this. No one had to know Renjun’s hopelessness or that he had cried over two boys that had never given him explicit hope. They had never flirted with him, only touched, but they touched everyone. Renjun wasn’t special and he didn’t know why he had even considered it.

Jeno and Jaemin would never like Renjun, especially not at the same time. Why would the two of them be polyamorous just as Renjun was?

And even if they were poly it wouldn’t mean that they would like each other as well. Well, at least that wasn’t a problem as it seemed.

As Renjun drifted off to sleep he wondered for how long they had been dating. Days, weeks, months, years? Why had they never told them?

“I’m sorry, Jun,” Donghyuck whispered just as Renjun slipped off into the land of dreams.

“No, Jeno, I don’t care. Renjun is sleeping and as long as he doesn’t explicitly tell me that he wants you two to come in, I won’t let you. You fucking know he’s sensitive and even if he wasn’t, it was an asshole move.” Renjun stirred, cracking an eye open at the aggression and disappointment in Donghyuck’s voice. What a strange combination. “I fucking told you not to make him cry and look what you did. Couldn’t you have just told him straight out? You guys aren’t even really dating yet.”

It was silent after that and Renjun closed his eyes again, wondering what Donghyuck was talking about. It didn’t make sense whatsoever. Had Donghyuck known about Jeno and Jaemin? And what did he mean that they’re not really dating yet?

“Hyuck,” Jeno started but he was cut off by Jaemin declaring, “We never wanted to hurt him. It really just slipped and then we couldn’t explain ourselves. We were still hoping Renjun would say something so we never did anything.”

Renjun chose then to get up. It sounded like Jeno and Jaemin knew about Renjun’s crush on them. And if Renjun wasn’t a delusional teenager driven by heartbreak, it also sounded like they actually liked him back.

Renjun’s door was slightly ajar, the light from the hallway flooding in. Slowly, Renjun crept towards it and peeking through, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on outside.

Donghyuck was standing with his back to Renjun, arms crossed and shoulders tense as he looked at Jeno and Jaemin. Jeno and Jaemin who looked windswept and a little desperate. Jaemin was biting his bottom lip as he stared at Donghyuck with furrowed brows. Jeno had his fingers interlaced in front of him, nervously twiddling with his thumbs. They both had their eyes fixated on Donghyuck so they didn’t even notice when Renjun pulled the door open to step outside.

“What’s going on?” Renjun asked, voice surprisingly steady. He thought he didn’t have to fear looking at Jeno and Jaemin because he had felt nothing unordinary when he had looked at them through the ajar door but when Donghyuck turned and Jeno and Jaemin’s gazes fell on Renjun, the older boy felt like disappearing into the shadows. Especially when small but sad and apologetic smiles crept onto their faces.

Renjun didn’t know what Donghyuck knew and he was glad the younger boy had helped him but right now he felt a little betrayed by him so he said, still looking at Jeno and Jaemin, “Hyuck, could you leave us alone for a little bit?”

Donghyuck hesitated, glancing between the three other boys, but nodded in the end, walking past Renjun and patting him on the shoulder.

Renjun waited until he heard the door to the living room shut, knowing Donghyuck was definitely out of earshot. Neither Jeno or Jaemin said anything, simply staring at Renjun and taking in his appearance. He really was a mess, ruffled hair and red rimmed eyes paired with an oversized sweater, standing in the bright light of the hallway. If this was a horror movie, Renjun would run from himself.

“Well,” he got out, feeling strangely courageous as his heart slowly started to hurt again. They couldn’t make it worse than it already was. It just wasn’t possible. “What are you doing here?”

Jeno sucked in a sharp breath and Jaemin had the decency to look away, hand coming up to rest in his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno apologized and stopped twiddling with his thumbs. “I was dumb and not considerate. Can I explain?”

Renjun wanted them to. He wanted them to explain and he wanted to know what was going on but he was afraid of getting hurt again. Of his worst fear to become true. Still, he gestured with his hand and said, “Go on, I won’t interrupt.”

“Okay.” Jeno took a deep breath and glanced at Jaemin before he continued, “Jaemin and I, we really really like you. But we also like each other. Jaemin confessed to me a while back and he also confessed to liking you as well. We didn’t want to date without you but we have something like a very slowly relationship right now. We-” Jeno cleared his throat and Renjun felt like he would cry again if he wasn’t already out of tears. “We both kind of knew that you like us too but we were too scared to tell you. Hyuck told us to hurry the fuck up because you were debating whether we liked you or not but, I don’t know, somehow we couldn’t bring ourselves to do it.”

Renjun held up a hand and shook his head, effectively stopping Jeno from continuing. The hallway fell silent as Renjun tried to process what was being said.

“So you’re telling me,” he started, glaring at Jaemin. The younger boy startled and tensed. “that you could confess to Jeno but you couldn’t confess to me?”

“I-”

“Nevermind, shut up for a second.”

Jaemin’s mouth snapped shut as he looked at Renjun in surprise. Renjun was surprised at himself as well because he didn’t know where that confidence came from. He was conflicted. On one hand the boys he loved at least liked him romantically and they liked each other as well. From what he had gathered, they wanted to date as the three of them. On the other hand, he was heartbroken a few minutes ago. There was no reason for them to not tell him their feelings if they could tell each other.

Renjun pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Okay. Okay, listen to me.” Both Jeno and Jaemin nodded, looking hopeful. “I like you too, Hyuck was right. I don’t get why you couldn’t just _tell me that you like me_ but I guess you have your reasons. Still, just a few minutes ago I thought I would never be able to look at you guys without crying ever again so I don’t want to rush into anything. We can go on dates and we can do stuff people do when they date but I don’t want you to touch.”

“But-” Jaemin interrupted before promptly getting smacked on the shoulder by Jeno, hissing, “Shut up for a second, Min. I’m sure he has a reason.”

Renjun nodded when Jaemin kept quiet and their attention was on his again, continuing, “I feel a little like I can’t trust you guys like before. I’m sure that trust will be revived after some time but right now I just want a little bit of distance. Your touches gave me hope I thought I lost forever and now you suddenly tell me I wasn’t wrong. It’s confusing me and I hope you can respect my decision.”

Jaemin nodded, albeit looking a little regretful, as did Jeno, completely serious. Renjun smiled then and opened his arms. As much as he felt like he had trust issues now, he didn’t want them to feel like he was completely shutting them out.

“You can hug me.”

Jeno and Jaemin came barrelling towards him, sweeping Renjun up in a tight hug. Jaemin buried his face in one side of Renjun’s neck and Jeno in the other. Sighing and closing his eyes, Renjun hugged them back.

“Sorry,” Jaemin whispered into Renjun’s neck and Jeno followed but Renjun didn’t answer, he didn’t know how to. He didn’t know if he could accept their apology yet so he kept quiet and just tried to enjoy the moment.

It wouldn’t all be fine all of a sudden but wounds need time to heal and as long as no one kept any important secrets from anyone they would be fine. They would be more than fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey, I was thinking of making this a three part series. The other two parts would be from Jaemin and Jeno's perspective respectively. One would be about right after they freshly started dating and the other like a year or a few years after to show their development. Would you be up for that?


End file.
